Addiction and Pain
the Trauma Loop/Cycle/Connection
I have known of the cycle between trauma and substance disorders and the increased likelihood of developing addictions.
I have known about it for a long time.
Both as isolated statistics and also more extensive case studies, as presented in Dr. Gabor Mate’s The Realm of Hungry Ghosts.
But - I heard something on addiction and why/how it develops last night -
And, thinking about my own story, it made me cry.
Rarely does something produce that sort of reaction within me - and so quickly.
Bring to me such an immediate raw emotion -
But it was so pure, so validating - the tears just streamed down my cheeks.
Teal Swan, author, said that -
“Addiction cannot exist outside of the context of a dysfunctional social system. Humans have very specific needs from a social system. When they don’t get those needs met, they are in pain. One of those needs that they have in a social system, is that when they are in pain, they have somebody who is with them to work with them through that pain. A person who develops addiction does not have somebody to do that, so they have a social system that is causing pain, either through things that are being directly done, or things that are not being done, right? And when they’re in that pain, there is nobody to help them with it. And so, they are alone and in pain. And, because of this, they have no resources to get out of pain. And if somebody has no resources to get out of pain, escapism is where you go to. So, addiction it’s like a rescue mechanism to get them out of the torment that they’re in, when they feel like they can’t change any of the circumstances to either meet their needs or to remove them from a painful stimulus.”
I have never felt more seen.
In my 12 step program, we do a lot of work on accepting our own actions and decisions, being humble, and removing ego -
And all of that is true and good and important.
It is necessary and required.
And also - it’s not an either/or situation.
To me - it mattered and always mattered - why/when/how I became an alcoholic - because I knew there were catalysts that led me here - and I had unattended mental health needs - that needed to be addressed through therapy and medication.
I didn’t have those - and that was when I first started drinking heavily - in my doctoral program.
I have heard many members in my 12 step program who bypass their grief and trauma and pain of what happened to them, before addiction, because many times we’re almost encouraged to do so - by way of being accountable to our actions and harm we created when drinking.
This is hard to watch and listen to, sometimes, when others do it - not legitimizing or validating their own experiences, taught to minimize them.
I should not judge - if it works for them, that’s great. Some are not interested in the ‘why’ they became an alcoholic, because they feel that they were always one, and that they drank to excess, to get drunk, from the very beginning.
But, I did not.
I spent my 20s and into my 30s, always able to drink more than others, not being affected by hangovers like others, but I didn’t drink to get drunk, to escape pain and to pass out, like I grew to -
I believe that there is some middle ground here; and some both/and and not either/or.
Yes, it’s true that we have substance abuse problems and that we need to accept that and the consequences of our actions.
It is also true that many who have trauma do not adopt substance abuse issues, but many do. We are much more statistically likely.
Not all alcoholics agree with me, but I do care about what led to my alcoholism and addiction, because though I am genetically predisposed toward alcoholism - I also didn’t drink to get drunk, escape, self-medicate, from the time I beginning to drink wine when I was just out of college.
I developed alcoholism after years of alcohol abuse, after pain, after a suicide, then another one, then insomnia, then anxiety and depression diagnoses, and more suicides, deaths, abusive relationships -
My mental health conditions presented themselves in problems before my alcoholism presented itself, in the form of anxiety, insomnia, and depression.
I also heed the words of the experts, that the alcohol abuse was not the initial problem but the [what became maladaptive] solution to the problem.
I also appreciate the above quote because it’s a critique of isolated and individualistic society- embedded in there. We don’t have healing communities, rituals, ceremonies, and ways of moving in and helping each other - like many indigenous cultures do.
I also say this because I have known others who get sober before they get the mental health help, and while —obviously—it helps to be sober and clear-minded, and in recovery, it doesn’t always solve the unaddressed mental health needs of trauma, psychological conditions - behavioral conditions, mental health crises or illnesses (whatever term you want to use).
You can still have dys-regulated nervous systems as a recovering alcoholic.
You can still have need for therapies, of many kinds.
You can still have need for medications.
You can still be really unwell.
You can still be fucking miserable.
And then you can go to some 12 step meetings where they say that this 12 step program is all that they need and it’s their therapy and their church all rolled into one, with insinuations or suggestions that it should be enough [for everyone].
Then if’s not - you feel like a failed alcoholic, even if you’re sober.
But maybe you’re also mentally unwell and have been from the get-go.
And alcohol was but a symptom.
Although, written into the very preamble of AA is the following -
“There are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them can get well if they have the capacity to be honest.”
I believe that in this context the “getting well” is from alcoholism, not necessarily entirely, and from their mental illnesses or mental health disorders. Because this 12 step program is only concerned with alcoholism.
The ‘this’ there and how it is written can be confusing, rhetorically.
I think comparing yourself entirely to other alcoholics’ healing journey and this misinterpretation and can also cause great harm.
This may not be a popular opinion.
12 step programs pride themselves on their simplicity - a simple program for complicated people.
And it works well - for treating alcoholism.
Though 12 step programs claim not to have all the answers, and *not* to be able to provide, medications or therapies, and that we still ought to consult with our doctors, our therapists, our psychologists, etc. - We still tend to approach issues from our personal experiences, to compare, to peer pressure one another in to acknowledging the harms of our own actions of alcoholism - but also -
Peoples’ mental health conditions are personal and nuanced.
I think though addictions and substance abuse disorders bear a lot of resemblance to one another, and we do tend to struggle with similar thinking and pain and patterns -
The antidotes to our entire path toward healings and wellness may vary slightly.
Some people thrive [only] from working the program of a 12 step program, having a sponsor, and working the steps, service work, etc.
For some - that will not, would never, be enough.
And it’s okay if it’s not.
Especially for those with a dual diagnosis and/or other mental health needs.
It’s not to evade responsibility, it’s to treat the whole picture of your mental health problems and your path toward healing and wellness.
It’s also —and I firmly believe this —for me, anyway -
My work is also to address intergenerational trauma, to work to break the cycles, healing your ancestors, of those who came before you, as well.
Especially for those of us who come from a long, long line of alcoholics, with families of lots of dysfunction and mental illness.