Alternative realities
Endless variations of life in the parallel universe
For a long time I saw the book, Midnight Library, and wondered what it was about. Recently, one of the book clubs that I’m in read another book by Matt Haig, Life Impossible. So I picked up and read Midnight Library, afterward.
The genius premise is what if there is a place between life and death where all the possible versions of your ‘could have been’ life existed. And you had the opportunity to explore what they all could have been.
I call is genius because it provides an outlet for our imagination—and who hasn’t often wondered what would another version of my look like if—
I didn’t break up with that person?
What if I never met that person?
What if I hadn’t lost that baby?
What if I backed out with cold feet rather than going through with that decision?
What if I had taken that job instead of the one I did?
If they didn’t break up with me?
If ____ hadn’t died?
If I had taken that opportunity to do this or study that?
What if, what if—
To all the large and small decisions that we have made throughout our lives, or ways that our path has gotten ‘off track’, we put our life on a certain track.
It’s undoubtably dying with possibilities to consider.
I think that’s exciting. And terrifying.
And because I think that is true for most people, we feel daunted—what if we made a wrong decision and we could have been much happier, more successful, fulfilled, etc, if I had just made that one different decision?
I think that these startling possibilities are also why so many of us believe/want to believe the adages like—
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“What is meant for me will be mine. I will find it.”
“If it’s not for me, then it will slip away.”
I am not above comfort from the above platitudes.
But I do recognize that we gravitate towards them so we can try and make ourselves feel better.
It’s certainly more reassuring than just thinking it’s all a crapshoot.
And that you just never know.
That’s stark and jarring, too daunting and scary. So we have to believe that we are pre-destined, even though we know—even those who are inclined to believe in God—that we are not poppets. We have free will.
So, I like the book because it stirs the imagination. And because Haig references Plath’s quote from the Bell Jar, about the fig tree, which has always resonated with me and I marvel at/wonder about:
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
This is sobering, because you think of messed opportunities when you don’t seize the opportunity and carpe diem or whatever.
But—if you had a chance to revisit…And explore possibilities.
You don’t have to commit in the story, and when/if you’re unhappy with a version of your life than you are taken back to the midnight library, and pick/try out another book with an alternative life version.
I consider my own, at least the few that come to mind:
What if I hadn’t lost my babies?
What if my dad hadn’t died?
What if my brother hadn’t died?
What if I stayed married?
What if I hadn’t lost my babies?
What if I didn’t find out that my partner was cheating on me—from his girlfriend—and I stayed with him?
What if learned of drama therapy earlier and pursued that as a career?
What if I hadn’t grown burnt out on drama and kept with theatre and pursued it professionally?
What if I never got married?
What if my mother got mental health help and stopped smoking—would she still be alive?
What if I became a professional pianist?
What if I pursued foreign language study and became a multi-lingual expert?
Ad infinitum.
Ad nauseum.
Mind-boggling, for sure.
Stirs the imagination, drives you mad. But seriously, who hasn’t wondered?
This Christmas season, I’m thankful that regardless of any missteps, I am content and grateful and soberly enjoying my current life.
Blessings to you all this holiday season.
