But what are you doing differently?

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

As I work to reframe, to embrace narrative reconstruction of my life, the changing my own story -

I’ve been sitting with this and asking myself this question a lot.

I have often felt frustrated with my position now - as an educator at the college level and the demographic of students that I teach.

But it is also nothing new.

And while I do worry about them - the lack of ability to focus, the lack of engagement and mindset, their crumbling mental health, the victim mentality, the lack of accountability, the not regarding education as something worth while or serious -

I also have known this - and have for a few years - that college students are changing. The atmosphere of college has changed.

My position - with AI and smartphones and Tiktok and social media -

It has all changed.

And so - after an especially crappy day the other day, where my peer facilitators who help me teach the class also described it as “soul sucking” —

I found myself thinking, as I drove home -

Well, Danielle -

This is nothing new. You know that this is the situation.

The question now becomes -

What am I going to do with that? About that? In knowing that?

I ask myself this for several reasons -

I don’t want to get trapped in the negativity of perpetuating that which I am unhappy about.

If I do spend a lot of time truly unhappy with who and what I have to teach - what am I doing to change my trajectory?

I believe we have the power to fixate and cultivate more and more intense negativity and toxicity, and have it extend far beyond the moment it affects us - if we let it.

I also believe that I know this already - so what am I doing to change it?

What am I going to do differently?

I had to have this conversation with myself as I drove home from work on Monday.

I wanted to vent. I was frustrated. I was sad and irritated. I was discouraged and disgusted.

And then - by happy coincidence - or no accidents? Two people I would normally have vented to were not available for me to do so.

And I am glad.

I did end up talking to someone and I stopped myself thinking - this is not what I want to talk about anymore.

I don’t want any more of this to consume my day.

And if I am really that affected by my job and my position as it is now - I need to change my life.

And I need focus my attention, efforts, energies and thoughts on that.

And that is where I am now.

It is one simple example of narrative reconstruction - To change your own story.

I realize that I don’t want my life to look like this forever.

I am thankful for my position. I am thankful for my flexibility and the time that I have to read and write and think and develop.

It is okay for now - and it allows me to take more classes and do a lot on my own time -

So long as I am working on the next thing and doing and planning and executing the thing - because I do want my life to look differently than it does now, in five years, in ten years.

I just listened to a podcast with Dr. Debbie Millman, a design professor. And she was assigned this narrative and asks her own students to do the same.

The question - the prompt -

What do you want your life to be and look like in 5 years - 10 years -

And then write it all out, in as much detail as possible.

I assigned my students this. I am also going to do this myself.

It is also connected to this free workbook, a resource:

https://www.melrobbins.com/designyourlife/

The goal - just design, visualize -

Dream.

Picture.

But stop yourself if/before you get to the ‘how’ or making your life or dreams smaller because you don’t know how you’ll get there and you don’t think it’s possible.

The practicality, the process, the likelihood - all make too many of us stop before we even start, before we even try, before we allow ourselves to dream.

We do this - and, as parents and educators, we too often perpetuate this onto our students or kids as well.

It brings to mind two things -

“If you’re going to dream, you might as well dream big.”

and

“What would you [attempt to] do if you knew that you could not fail?”

Will they all happen? Maybe not.

But it’s a lot more likely to do so than if you don’t think about them, picture them, and if/when you stop yourself from even trying.

I spent many years with anxiety, depression, frustrated with my circumstances and living in the aftermath of trauma, with self-medicating -

But the more I’ve read - the more I don’t want where I am and where I’ve been to be the only part of my story.

I also recognize that I am a hell of a lot more powerful than I have given myself credit for.

I have changed my story; and I keep doing so.

I am not helpless.

We are not the victims are of our lives - even if you have a condition - a mental or physical one, or both or if you’ve been dealt a challenging life circumstance or childhood -

Sometimes we do well to pinpoint that with others and less well to apply it to ourselves.

I also recognize that I want to stop living and thinking small.

I have been content and resigned for a while - I have been grateful for what I have and what I have kept on to -

That is important and useful.

But it also doesn’t have to end there. I can also use it to fuel my attitude toward growth and doing things differently - to get more, to wind up in a different place, where I want to be and doing what I want to be doing.

Gratitude need not become complacency and passivity.

It truly is what we do with it.

I am asking myself - what do you want Danielle - And - what are you doing to get there? Some of it is my mindset and direction of my thoughts and energies.

Some of it is to visualize and design and dream.

And some of it is just to stop talking about it -

And to sit down and just do the thing.

I hope you are happy with your life, and if you’re not - realize it’s in your power to change it. And that you start doing something today to make that happen -

Even if you have become complacent.

Maybe especially if you have stopped believing in the power of your narrative reconstruction.