Distinctions between Self Confidence and Self Worth
You get not what you want, but what you believe you are worthy of receiving
I’m reading the book, Worthy, by Jamie Kern Lima,
because some person I follow - at some point in time - was reading it and recommended it.
I’m not very far into it, but I have two takeaways already that I wanted to share:
1-Self worth is not he same as self-confidence. Self confidence is based on our abilities, to do our job, but it is almost connected to our abilities to perform AND it’s comparative to others.
Self worth, on the other hand, is your innate worth and value - in just being, regardless of what you do.
I have self-confidence, in many aspects.
Now it’s time to build my self-worth more.
She makes the claim that it doesn’t matter your desires to work ethic or how much you want something, even if you work toward it -
If you don’t believe that you are worthy of receiving it, you will hold yourself back, second guess yourself, self-sabotage, etc.
Now, I’m not all about manifesting your destiny and the Secret - that basically blames you if your reality isn’t what you want - that at some point you weren’t focused on what you want and guiding the universe towards getting that to you -
I don’t think it’s that black and white and clear cut.
But I do think that our energies direct us towards what we believe possible and what we [believe that we] deserve.
I do have imposter syndrome.
And I do have second thoughts about my worthiness - from a deep internalized shame - a symptom of cPTSD and PTSD.
The aspect of shamed/being shamed/feeling deep shame - is hard to put into words for someone who doesn’t understand how deeply rooted shame is in the body/mind. Shame erodes your sense of self-worth - it’s no longer, I did bad a thing, but I am a bad person. Even if, intellectually, I know that the dysfunction and suicides and mental illness in my family is not personally my fault.
My wounds that I still wrestle with from that - they do feel very much my fault. They have for a long, long time.
Also -I was the hero child of an alcoholic - I internalized a fucked up idea that my worth / lovability was tied to my merits, my grades, my behavior, my success, my ‘having it all together’.
Hence, I can believe in what I’ve done and what I do, for others, but less about just ‘being’ - I am enough. I am worthy.
That is part of my serious work that I need to do - especially in compensation in what I deserve, in how I ought to be compensated - in time and/or money -
I do sometimes stand in amazement at those with much less education and their —what I used to think was esteem - but now, perhaps, as I rethink it - maybe it’s a sense of their worthiness and their inner sense of self worth?
Those are two thigns from the book that I’m thinking about/wrestling with today, that I wanted to share.
