I keep wondering why/how some people operate from such a sense of entitlement and self-righteous. Why do some over others? Where does it come from with certain individuals?
Sure, for some, who grow up with wealth and class affordances, it makes sense. For those with race and gender and education and money privileges, the entitlement all makes sense. They are the ones who may better understand—because it is their reality and lived embodied experiences—that the world is my oyster. And anything they want is in the palm of their hand.
But, not always.
This is where it gets interesting: Those who have entitlement, it is not formulaic, not a for-sure guarantee. Not by a long shot. By that I mean we can’t predict who has it/will have it and who does not.
So many other people who grew up in very meager environments and without socioeconomic/class advantage, higher education, prestige, looks, or other outward factors for why they should deserve so much, still, so many exist that they are owed this or that.
I take a look at my brother who grew up in a working poor environment, but seemed to display the same degree of entitlement to my mother’s money and expectations that he could buy houses and cars and guns and stuff that he could not afford, as an adult. He clearly learned some of this from our father.
I think about my former partner and though he could—of course—clearly identify his ex-partner’s entitlement, he failed to recognize his own. (I now have an entirely different perspective on this, of course.)
I have looked at others and thought, where does this sense of self-aggrandizement and self-righteous entitlement come from?
A mask of insecurity and shame? Perhaps. But some people seem really good at operating from that facade, truly believing that they deserve more and better than they would ever tolerate from others. That is what is so fascinating to me about individuals’ sense of entitlement.
But there are many for whom their sense of insecurity and shame within themselves seems to manifest itself outward to a greater sense of entitlement.
This grand sense of entitlement can also come at the expense of not being self-actualized or accountable to themselves. To rather exist within delusion and operate from a base understanding/foundation that, “I am owed.”
That fascinates me.
Because—for better or for worse—I operate from the other end of the spectrum. (And, believe me, this is not only beneficial humility, but, as my previous post indicates, sometimes it is to my detriment in not demanding or setting a standard for what I deserve. In other words, an absence of entitlement can go to the other extreme.)
Entitled attitudes and entitled people like these so often come with a lack of reciprocity, a lack of mutual respect for those closest to them, in taking full stock of what they are delivering versus getting/receiving and expecting.
Even when they do deliver, they may hold a greater sense of self satisfaction and self-praise that I did something and more credit/recognition ought to be given to me then in an honest and objective evaluation of what they have delivered to others.
I don’t think that that is what people always think about with entitlement, but truly: it’s not just what “I expect from others” but it also contains a sense of grandiose giving in what I do do, when I do show up. This breadcrumbing can be how entitled people roll.
I think entitled people sometimes give themselves breaks and allowances with inner voices that life is more difficult for them.
At the end of the day though, we all need to do the work. At what point do we stop acting as victims and accept accountability?
I think about this and how despise the attitude, this sense of entitlement.
I have developed a shorter fuse/less tolerance for those not willing to work on themselves.
My life story and healing journey is all about self growth and evolution.
Has it had to be? Yes. But it didn’t make it easy. I had to do the work. A hell of a lot of work.
Am I there yet? Of course not, but I am working on it.
As my cousin, Jon told me, and he is so right:
At our age, most people have some trauma and childhood shit they carry and need to work on. But then it becomes the honest question—are you doing the work? Are you trying? Are you humbling yourself? Are you being accountable? Are you being ‘real’ with yourself about what you do and don’t do, compared to what those closest to you do and don’t do? Do you have a double standard of expectations from what you deliver?
Or, on the other hand, are you misplacing blame, deflecting, projecting, and through inward insecure and a shame-based sense of self, still outwardly operating from a sense of self righteousness, entitlement and delusion?
I would rather be honest with myself. I would rather hurt myself than others.
That is not all good. I am working on this too. It was why I ended up where I was in my previous relationship.
But, ultimately, my journey is one not of entitlement, but learning to raise the bar, to set the standards higher, in terms of what I expect and require from other people in my relationships and friendships.
Especially after having demanded (and delivered) so much more of myself recently.