"Happy Pills"

A highly insensitive comment on the use of anti-depressants

Ever heard anyone refer to anti-depressants as happy pills?

As someone who has taken anti-depressants for years, who was able to finally sleep because of anti-depressants when I stopped sleeping in college, and allowed me to return to functioning, this statement astounds me with its amazing degree of insensitivity.

I have gained weight so fast form anti-depressants that I had stretch marks all over my body. (20 pounds in 2 weeks on my 5 foot frame). I could feel my metabolism screeching to a halt.

When I weaned myself off anti-depressants for 8 months a few years ago, I lost 10 pounds without even trying.

I have had side effects of nausea, thirst and dry mouth, insomnia, a low libido and an inability to orgasm, extreme thirst, shakiness, and tinglyness in my feet and hands because of anti-depressants.

So, why take them?

Because I couldn’t sleep. Like, at all without them. At various points in my life.

I couldn’t stop my mind from racing. I felt anxious to the point where my shoulders were hunched up and tense and hurt. I felt that I was going crazy. Literally driving myself mad.

I took them because—at points— I couldn’t get out of bed. I wouldn’t take my life, but I wanted to die.

I took them because my depression was a living hell, not a mood or emotion, but a condition that obscures your vision to see anything before or to envision anything after, a point where you won’t feel so miserable.

I took them because I felt such creeping and then all-encompassing anxiety that something horrific was always on the brink/ about to happen to me that I felt that I was trying to crawl out of my skin. Almost paranoia.

I am thankful my depression and anxiety is so much better now. I can no longer even envision those dark points. I know now that perhaps didn’t have enough dopamine or serotonin in my system. (I have a shirt that says—if you can’t make them on your own, store bought is fine, with dopamine and serotonin written on the sides, floating boxes.)

But happy pills? Hah.

I took anti-depressants because I wanted to be able to function, to sleep. I wanted to be able to survive. It is a far cry from just wanting to feel high and happy.

The experience of taking anti-depressants is not like taking recreational drugs, it’s not an immediate feel good. It takes a really long time to make a difference in how you feel—6-8 weeks and that is if it works well for you the first time around.

The one that doesn’t work for you can actually make you feel worse. They can exacerbate your symptoms of suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety and insomnia.

That said, I do not believe medication is the only option or that my path would work for everyone. There are certainly natural things that you can do to increase serotonin and dopamine naturally. To help with intergenerational trauma that leads to depression. I have tried other routes now, years later, and I’m glad others have found relief only from therapy, diet, exercise, natural supplements, gut balancing, microdosing, using cannabis, etc.

However, those who opt for anti-depressants aren’t weak. We don’t take the easy way out. Most of us are desperate to just function.

If you don’t understand this, consider yourself privileged and blessed.

But reserve judgment. Be kind.