Narcissists - They are Actually Textbook

I find that one of the most fascinating things about narcissists is this -

Their reactions, responses, fit, tantrums and ways of belittling and abusing are almost…boring in their predictability - once you get to learn about narcissism.

After my narcissism heartbreak, I read and learned about the personality disorder. My dear friend whose parent is a narcissist makes me re-remember the common ways they act and react when they are confronted, challenged, or don’t have the power or control they want, or just on a whim.

But I did learn a few new things about narcissism lately that made me laugh. They describe my ex to a ‘t’ and they are just so simplistic….in their desperate desire for validation.

1-They like to be in bigger cars so they can physically feel above people and like they are looking down at so many others on the road.

2-They will frequently walk ahead of you to fuck with you, psychologically, so that you feel that you are being left behind, abandoned, disregarded.

It’s all part of the catch and mouse game, the constant yo-yo, the power game that they like to play. Perhaps that they feel that they must play to try and compensate for the fact that -

They are hopelessly average.

They don’t want others to know that - as well as how emotionally immature and insecure they really are.

Before being in a relationship with a narcissist, I always thought that the term was simply synonymous with selfish - understandably, since that is how we frequently (mis)use it in our culture.

It wasn’t until I started to read about emotional abuse and manipulation did I learn about the tactics of a narcissist, the type of narcissists, and the variations of narcissistic abuse.

Once you learn them, it’s so obvious to see right through their attempts to manipulate you.

I wish I had known more about narcissism before. I wonder how many of us - I venture to say the majority - have had to learn about it because of suffering through a relationship with a narcissist. We had to educate ourselves about it as a way of perserving our sense of self.

At their heart, narcissists are very small people, emotionally immature adults; I’ve even called them children that haven’t emotionally developed past the age of a child. I think this develops other personality disorders and mental health conditions as well.

Narcissists are also often traumatized. They are grandiose, charming, charismatic but also incredibly vain, and downright vicious. They see relationships as transactional - what they can gain from you. Because their relationships are their emotional supply; they don’t function well alone because they need someone to pump their ego.

It was one of the hardest things to accept that narcissists therefore can’t love like a normal person because love - agape - unconditional - selfless love removes the ego and wants the best for that person. Emotionally immature narcissists are incapable of that. They love bomb and then they dump. There is no middle ground. They always have a back-up plan. You are conditional, replaceable to them. And they make that clear.

It is hard for me to imagine what it must be like to exist in the mind of a narcissist. I am again struck by how fascinating it is that trauma—such a common human experience — manifests in individuals in such distinct ways.

But, I grow ever more surprised by how textbook and how unoriginal they are in their behaviors, actions and reactions - it’s textbook once you learn their tactics.

It also grows boring in its predictability.

They say that 5-6% of the population has narcissism - though I think it’s probably higher than that. I think it’s on the rise with growing trauma and I think many go indiagnosed. I doubt many cop to it - they are hard to treat with therapy, because of course, they don’t think there’s anything wrong with them - refuse to believe it. I think about how my ex weaponized therapy in that I was the only one with issues - narcissists are not easy to treat.

Be careful - you probably have come in contact with a narc, once or twice, they may dwell nearby - down the street, down the hall at work - you may even share a home with one.