People who are nasty with others vs. those who embrace generosity, compassion and empathy

The mind-boggle of humanity

Lately I keep think about this after witnessing some truly appalling behavior and conditioned to accept it as normal.

And I reflect on how those nastiest and negative and pessimistic, verbally abusive, are often very deeply, shameful and unhappy with themselves

But now, approaching 40, (wow-yikes) I think that because sometimes arrogance, entitlement and vapid narcissism is rooted in deep shame and insecurity, I sit with and reflect on how these behaviors are common then in deflecting blame, projecting that which themselves do or fear that they inadequate deep with themselves.

It’s confusing to me at points, I won’t lie, because I can’t get how then the factor or compassion or empathy and general sensitivity is lost on them, so often in the time.

I have read and listened to enough to realize that this is deep-roots of trauma and childhood abandonment. But as Dr. Ramani reminds us, it’s not a straight path.

Because many of us certainly have childhood trauma. I know I did but then I think about my mom. Did she have learned helplessness and an inability to make decisions, given her major depression? Absolutely. At points she did a woe is me.

But honestly, if I had had her and trauma, I would have bitched a lot more.

My point is that she was nothing but generous and kind and a solid friend and an amazing mother and teacher.

People still reach out to me to tell me how great she was to them and helped them in middle school.

Again to the point, why was she not a monster? She would have had every reason in the book to be one.

No mom. Well, one who abandoned her on her thirteenth birthday, took her away from her biological dad after a supposed affair, a verbally abusive alcoholic stepdad, then bounced around from foster homes who didn’t want her. Because she wasn’t blood.And they made that abundantly clear.

Then she was lucky enough to choose my dad who was the jock, All-American, smart good looking person, who came from a nice family and were very comfortably middle class.

I think he started heavy drinking in his twenties but I am not sure on that—it was before my time.

Then her sister completed suicide and my dad’s brother tragically died in a car accident just after coming home from Vietnam, safely.

She had a real reason to be a bitch. To not know how to be a mom.

But as a former mentor told me recently as we were talking about her, what she did with the minimal financial and emotional resources that she had to give me was astounding.

All mom wanted to be was a mom. And I guess this post is turning into—yet another tribute about her—Because I miss her, dearly.

But also, given some recent conversations, I’ve realized some people have a lot of advantages given to them and they turn out to be real assholes.

Why? What drives human behavior to vary so vastly from one individual to the next?

Maybe I should have done into psych or trauma therapy. I still think about doing so.

I like to learn about it and I’ve had to for survival.

I heard it once said on a podcast that we are not for sure seeds, as children.

DNA and childhood background and safety certainly do play an important role, but I think about how all the sociopaths and psychopaths, axe murders and the Jeffrey Damers and Hannibal Lectur- like (I’m sure he’s based at least in some part on a nonfiction role, many do come from some families that put me to envy.

I widen my eyes and think—that’s your trauma?

I know we all have skeletons in the closet, but seriously?

A good friend of mine regularly says her mom is a mean bitch. Apparently she had stories of abuse.

Why did mom turn that way?

And why are some others just so odious?

I think Elizabeth Gilbert said it right, when people aren’t busy being the absolute worst, they’re being the absolute best.

Collective humanity and its variety are truly astounding to behold.