Lately I’m taking stock of this phenomenon…and how often I see it happen:
When less self-actualized people share that they have been criticized and then suddenly that shame or insecurities that they feel causes them to turn direction, steer a new course. They may then give unsolicited advice, and work so desperately hard to present a red herring and expose others for whatever their weaknesses are.
When in reality, reacting in this way shows them for what they really are—desperately trying to elevate themselves by comparing and condescending others—
When in actuality, it only reveals them to be lacking.
I’ve been paying attention to how often and the many, many different ways that this happens and how often adults do this.
Indeed, from time to time, we all feel badly about ourselves. Either self-inflicted or because of others words or actions toward us.
But the difference is—those insecure and petty—when they feel badly about themselves, are momentarily shamed, they then choose to address those feelings by instead deflecting and projecting that outwards, by putting them down….in a desperate and childish way to divert attention away and to (try to attempt to) elevate themselves.
I don’t even think it’s conscious most of the time. To note this would take a level of self actualization and self awareness that I think many people lack.
I am not deceived. It’s pretty transparent. I’ve seen it professionally, personally, in many different types of relationships.
As I reflect on this, I think back to my first experiences with this:
I often saw this growing up in little cowtown, out in the boondocks Panama, where the kids who were bullied made countless desperate attempts to stop being bullied by shining center spotlight on others—even if/when they themselves turned into bullies, subjecting others to similar (or worse) mistreatment that they themselves had endured.
It was quite pathetic. And it made me angry.
It still does—the injustice of it all. The lack of compassion and empathy. The inherit selflishness of it.
I have never had tolerance for bullies. However, I had/have even less respect for those who have been hurt, made to feel badly about themselves, who then choose to address it with a “quick fix”—
clawing at attempts or pumping at any available means to inflate their own self worth through cheap ways of putting others down.
This level of immaturity reveals a very insecure person.
Bullies exist in many forms. Shame-based people and those riddled with insecurities become very transparent when they are quick to judge, offer advice, attack others, and brag on themselves at another’s expense.
I wonder sometimes if these folks truly think they are fooling many others. Or if they care.
I am reminded me of the cattiest girls in school, the ones full of gossip and judgment, so often dealing with their own deep feelings of inadequacy, undoubtedly from how their parents and friends mistreated them that they then turned outward and projected that onto others.
Sometimes intentionally, other times not.
I sigh at this. The prevalence of it and think this:
Adults are such posers.
We do not grow more secure. Rather, insecurity abounds, as do bullies and bullying in many forms.
Sometimes people are just a little more covert about it.
At some points, but at others—it is woefully and glaringly obvious.