"Seandaiyna dunia kami berbeda..."

'Supposing that our world was different...'

I lived in Indonesia for five years and I am fluent in Bahasa Indonesia.

Bahasa Indonesia is a language that does not have verb tenses, which makes it relatively easy to learn. There are no verb conjugations. Rather, they put one word in front of the verb to indicate something has already happened or something has not yet happened.

They also have a phrase: “seandaiynya,” which translates to supposing that, very hypothetical tenses and connected to the conditional tense.

This phrase came to mind because earlier today I noticed the back of my college ID card.

On the back of it there is the 988 suicide and crisis lifeline number, where you can call to receive some help and support if you are having a mental health crisis and are idealizing, contemplating, planning to attempt suicide.

I have seen similar posters hung in the bathrooms around campus.

Now, as a two-time family suicide survivor, this is important. Vital.

However, also—

I heaved a heavy sigh today just shouldering the sober reality that we live in a world where we have to provide this:

Let’s unpack that a bit more—

“The world that we live….”

It’s a world where we have enough people that are in depression or experiencing major depressive episodes that warrant this. And we do, truthfully. The statistics support this. Especially among our college age students.

Mental illnesses and mental health crises are on the rapid rise.

“The world in which we live…”

It’s also a world where don’t have the family and social structures in place, the free and easily accessible mental health help, the services readily available, so much so that we need to post those things.

In other words, it’s not innate or inherent information, given public knowledge that mental health services help is available is not a given.

It’s wonderful that these services are there, but in (having to) post them, it also means that we need to get the information out there, because it isn’t enough a part of our society and health services that it is considered obvious or common knowledge.

(Like, perhaps, 911.)

And I take notice of it, as I did with a Clarksville city bus earlier this month— also decked out in mental health support numbers and facts and outreach—because it was novel.

It was new to me.

I hadn’t seen that before.

It is both a good thing that the information is out there and also…deeply disturbing that our mental health knowledge/information/prevention/awareness is new, is so recent…that it is novel.

I notice these things. I pay attention to them.

I also sometimes can’t help but wonder—will we ever get to a point in time where we have truly de-stigmatized mental health help, mental illnesses and mental health crises/episodes?

Will we ever get to a point where we no longer equate them as being character flaws, weaknesses, a lack of faith, a weaker personality, less mentally strong or sound?

Will we always continue to have [to have] the subtle reminders—

The funny but not so funny Tik Tok videos representing—

What if we treated physical illnesses and conditions the same way/with the same regard as we do mental illnesses?

The ones that are amusing but sobering at the same time, because—

We need them. And people don’t see the difference.

Before I met my current partner, I spoke briefly with an attorney online. We never ended up meeting in person but he told me that he didn’t want to be with someone who had mental illness because of bad and scarring experiences with his ex.

Now, I get that. I do. His experiences sounded rife with emotional and verbal abuse.

I acknowledge them; they are his own and I don’t know what it was to live through them and to have his existence.

And yet, also—I was uncomfortable. I take issue with that because—

I have had my own bouts with mental illness and my family’s story is certainly one that has been heavily shaped by mental illness.

And to that I’ll say—

Those of us who have been plagued by mental illness at points throughout our lives, we are not a monolith. All conditions aren’t the same. We are different people and make very distinct choices in how to handle our conditions.

Such has been the story of my life. In living differently from my family—

So that my story does not end as their did.

Hence—the whole reason for this blog and what is listed in the description of this newsletter:

‘On NOT becoming another suicide statistic.’

In short, after today—

I both take heart and am still deeply troubled by the progress AND all the work still to do in de-stigmatizing mental illness, and raising advocacy and awareness about the importance of managing one’s mental health/mental health crises.