Strategies of those with maladaptive personality disorders

“But it’s flat-out wrong to think in twenty-first America that narcissism and sociopathy are illnesses. In today’s America, narcissism and sociopathy are strategies.”~ Steven Resiner

I was thinking about this today as my former partner’s daughter reached out to me for the first time since March. I looked into her face and saw her sadness. She said she missed me, drew me a picture that said I love you, read me a book and showed me her dance and gymnastics moves. She wish that I could go to the state fair with her this afternoon. It was bittersweet, heartwrenching and definitely tugged at my heartstrings.

I had hoped that she had forgotten about me, because it would be easier for her.

But talking with her reminded me that I had had a relationship with her and my absence has some sort of an impact on her. While this seems obvious, part of what narcissists will do is to just pretend that you didn’t exist when they know you aren’t coming back.

That is painful enough on its own, for my own sake. But more than me, I worried how my sudden departure from her life would affect her. And moreover, why she couldn’t understand why she couldn’t call her dad and I on a shared call anymore. I am sure she will figure it out one day. But I worried about the impact on her, as did her mother.

Whereas the one who was solely responsible for the damage just pretended he did not cheat and that the absence of my life from his daughter’s was totally normal. Just move on.

In short, as I reflect on all of this, I just continue to marvel, I mean truly to be amazed by who can have kids and who can’t.

As someone who has miscarried twice, and speaking today with my two closest friends who also struggled with infertility, who would have been amazing mothers, it is astounding just who gets to procreate.

It all seems so very random and sometimes this world seems so cruel.

And this is just my little corner of the world.

Moreover, with the current state of our world, with the news, all the natural disasters and climate change, and the wars, so many people suffering and dying, there are many moments as of late, that just it all so incredibly seem so unbelievably bleak.