The Sparkle in Life
When I got sober, I thought giving up [alcohol] was saying goodbye to all the fun and all the sparkle, and it turned out to be just the opposite. That’s when the sparkle started for me.
~Mary Karr
Sobriety is all it was cracked up to be.
Part of the hold on alcoholism is that it tries to convince you otherwise.
Dare I say, it need not even be only for alk-ies, not even full fledged addiction or active alcoholism, but alcohol abuse, or having to drink to have fun, relax, unwind, feel calmer, enjoy the weekend, to date, have sex, or socialize with friends.
We’re pretty obsessed with drinking to relax, unwind, have fun, and deal with life, as a culture.
We accept binge drinking and underage drinking with the idea that that is just how it is.
It is a momentary break, a release, but then—
The next day, or after the substance leaves your system, for many—the anxiety is back, full force it returns and then some.
I didn’t realize that—just how much drinking in any way, even a few times a week, worsened my anxiety until now. I had to get sober and take stock of it to see the difference.
I like how we say in AA that alcohol worked for me until it didn’t—hence the progressive nature of alcoholism.
Until it didn’t = lost control and spun out, down whirl spiral. Crash and burn.
But did alcohol “work” for me for awhile before it stopped?
I mean, sort of.
It helped me to sleep.
I did use it to help me survive the worst and most traumatic years of my life.
And it worked and then after continuous abuse of if—it reached an unhealthy point. A tool for repression, escapism and self-medication.
I used to listen to AA members express their gratitude about sobriety and think they were nuts and I envied them, couldn’t understand them and didn’t relate.
I am glad that I get it now and it all makes sense.