The work, the responsibility

The healing, the exhaustion

I read the following today that gave me pause:

We all have trauma, and while it may not be your fault, it is your responsibility.
~Ryanna Battiste

How true this is.

So many of us get stuck in that victim mindset, and I get it, it’s an easier place to be.

It requires, it demands less of us.

But getting stuck there will not help us to live healthier lives.

The shitty thing about trauma is that if you don’t address it and try to heal from it then you’ll just end up hurting others who didn’t hurt you.

I grappled with this for the first few year or two after Jeremie died. I did it when my dad died as well.

I was frustrated and angry, I felt embittered and resentful even at points, that I had to address even more healing from the trauma of their decisions to end their own lives, violently, messily.

But, there was no other way around it.

That really sucked.

But, now, though I do grow weary, exhausted from all the work of healing, and I may have to take a break and actively regroup, I always re-engage and work at it again.

Healing work is hard work, but oh so necessary if we want an improved life.

And if we don’t want to hurt others.

Both of those things are very important to me.

I do not want to perpetuate harm onto others and I want to heal.

I want my life story to be different than my family’s stories and their life choices.

That’s my driving motive.

It is a stumbling path, a back and forth. Two steps forward, one step back, and on and on and on.

Such is life for those of us on the path of healing from trauma.