"They don't want to hear your sob story--"

"They want to hear what you did about it"

Photo by Unseen Studio on Unsplash

I heard these words spoken to me in a webinar/master class, and smiled.

I had to pause and chuckle.

It’s true—

Eventually, the victim story and that victim mindset gets old.

It’s also true true that - Validation of your experiences and survival IS an important first step to healing (not just my thoughts - psychologists and trauma specialists agree).

We need that both from others and to acknowledge it to/for ourselves.

And - Many other people will likely be very impatient with you, and urge you to hurry up and move along, get over it.

Regardless of whatever your particular ‘thing is -

Betrayal of someone, loss of a thing or pet or a person, grief - what I almost had, what I lost, death of - parent, partner, spouse, sibling, child, disappointment, heartache, etc -

But - you can’t skip this part altogether.

The ironic part is that you need it to move forward.

But, yes, you can get stuck there.

You do have to eventually work to heal.

---

I have chuckled, because -

I have had more views on my jail story than other -

Of course, though, right? All that juicy, juicy drama.

But, it’s also my most honest vulnerability - my story and truth to my core.

It’s also my story of where/how I’ve gained solid footing, a more sure-footed path, to being able to answer and speak to -

Okay all this bullshit happened -

But this, this - is what I’ve done with it -

And it’s honestly the thing I’m most proud of.

As I sat there today, reflecting on it -

In publishing that, I did perhaps the scariest thing for me - honestly, even more than going to jail - I wrote about it and posted about it.

As the hero child, my inner child was screaming in shame - don’t do it! They will know you’re not good.

Perform, perform, perform.

But - interestingly, I am now learning things that my 5 year old self should have learned - you are not loved by how well you perform - that you are okay - not from/by the perfection you model or act you show or the dance you demonstrate to others -

And if you are, that’s not real love or support.

---

I appreciate those of you who have reached out - in comments and texts - who have supported me and hold space and have compassion on how difficult it was for me to write that, to do that.

I want to say that that too says a great deal about your character as well.

Because I also know—I know—that there are those who read that with wide-eyes, and drank it down - perhaps it made them feel better about themselves -

She really said that? She really wrote that? She really did that?

But you know what - that’s okay -

Let them.

Let them, as Mel Robbins says.

The best part of all of this is that -

I finally told you my sob story, and that honestly, now - and also -

I’ve told you what I did, and what I am doing with it.

I was terrified, but I also I felt proud. I felt free.

And that act of letting go, surrendering and speaking my truth -

it has taught me a great deal.

Life can be brutal - and we can fuck up catastrophically -

But it’s also what you then do with it.

Because the second part of the ‘let them’ -

is the -

Now, let me ——

Photo by Varun Gaba on Unsplash