Third Biofield Tuning Session

Healing and Breaking Patterns

I was told to try to do at least three. So, I did ‘at least’ three. Yesterday was my third.

It was the most intense of all and one of the most profoundly moving and spiritual and healing experiences of my life.

Again, I falter with the words to adequately describe my experience but I will try.

She started tuning my left sacral chakra, then went back to my throat, because she said it moved there.

The tightening and lump in my throat tends to be the re-occurring theme for me with this. Yesterday I happened to mention to Michelle, my Biofield tuning practitioner, that when I was born the cord was wrapped around my neck three times. Then she really got to work on my throat.

I felt so many strange sensations in my throat, lumps, tightening, constriction, then, after tuning, a release, a relaxation there. The strange part of this is how Michelle will feel/mirror my symptoms with the energy of my biofield present.

As with last time, many points where my energy was stuck was from times before I would have memories. Even later points though, she would mention later ages and look to me, but the memories that kept resurfacing were ones that I had already thought about previously.

Then I happened to mention to her that the strange thing was that my mother frequently mentioned that she often experienced a lump in her throat when she was stressed, paralyzed, depressed, in pain, and worried about our situation at home, with my father or finances, etc.

It was then that Michelle said maybe I am here to help her heal. Then I cried. I had experienced tears and deep sadness and wells of emotions rushing up within me, but at that point, I really cried.

But most bizarrely, I FELT her. My mother. I felt her aura, presence, energy, soul or spirit, whatever you want to call it. I felt her.

There have been points where I felt this way after her death. Once with my father in a dream and once with my Grandma Donelson.

It’s challenging to describe if you’ve never experienced this but the best I can describe it as this—when you love someone and they love you, how they make you feel when they are around you, and the best memories and moments you’ve had with them, in joy, laughing, enjoying their company, that’s what it feels like.

That’s what I felt yesterday, twice. I felt my mom.

The other time was at the end and Michelle said, I feel…that she’s grateful. I cried again and felt her.

It was one of the most profoundly emotionally intense, spiritual, metaphysical experiences of my life.

Believe me, the woo woo factor is not lost on me.

And yet, I felt such moving, such stirring within me. I felt like I was healing. I felt like I was healing ancestral trauma, epigenetic factors, intergenerational shit.

It offers me hope.

At one point she said, I’m outside of your field. This is something that isn’t even in your lifetime.

It makes me wonder—what crap did my ancestors go through, did they pass on to me? For it to be that powerful and intense to carry down to me.

I come from a line of alcoholics and dysfunctional family patterns. I know that times were harder and people went through a lot to function and survive without modern conveniences. All the worse if there are poverty and mental illnesses at play there, that weren’t addressed/couldn’t be treated especially before they knew how to help.

I mean, it was in the early 70’s when my mom’s sister, Julie, was treated for severe depression and post-partum depression with more sedatives/a depressant. It hasn’t been that long ago that we didn’t really know shit about how to help people in those situations. How much worse several generations ago? What did they do? How did they help themselves?

Nothing. Or booze.

I grow increasingly more thankful that I live in an era where there are options available, not just meds, not just therapy, but supplements and all sorts of energy healing and things we know now. Granted, we have a lot more to learn, but we know a hell of a lot more than we did.

My dear friend Allison told me, your writing, your words, brought you to this healing. It is a bit startling for me to realize, to admit. But she is right.

I put my story out there and I sought healing in whatever form I could. I surrendered to whatever the universe bounced back to me.

I only knew that I needed help, to break patterns, to do things to work to heal, to break patterns of ancestral trauma and what we often refer to as generational curses. (Though I take issue with that phrase, though I can definitely understand why/how some people use it. I have too in the past when your family patterns and story have certainly seemed riddled with curses.)

I am still working on this, of course. I will continue to for the rest of my life. It is indeed a journey. But, I am healthier and more healed to finally be able to enjoy the journey.

I told my aunt the other day, two years ago I never would have known that I could feel like this, this good, compared to how I did feel, bodily, and after all the death and trauma, then COVID shit.

I think that that is what is heartbreaking to me when I think about my brother. I know the depths of despair but I also believe my mother’s words that there is help available and what I tell my students, you aren’t going to always feel this way, THIS bad. You have to hold on to that and to believe it, which is so fucking hard in the depths of grief and depression. But it’s not only to keep you surviving but it’s also because it’s true.

I just wish that Jeremie could have held on to that belief as well.

Still, now, what I can do is to work to heal. To do the work to be a pattern breaker. To help myself, and by extension, the relationships of people in my life, that I encounter.

I am thankful for biofield tuning. I believe in the potential and capabilities that it can provide. So much so that I do plan to do the training and get the forks and learn to this myself.

I do believe in God, in Jesus, in a spiritual realm, though perhaps not as dogmatic as the organized religion of Christianity. I believe that when we die, we don’t cease to exist. I don’t believe you can entirely wipe out energy. Instead, our form of being simply shifts, beyond the corporeal to an energy realm.

I take heart in that. I know my mother who I love dearly and miss bitterly still exists. And it helps me to believe that my brother and my father are at peace, free from the pain that drove them to end their lives.

I exist in the world because of them and for all of them. I strive to live within the love that I believe they are enshrouded in now, on the other side, that was often so untouchable and so elusive to them in their lifetimes.

I am thankful. <3