Trauma and the importance of learning to set boundaries
I saw a social media post that discussed how those of us who have been abused, and have had trauma, have a difficult time setting boundaries.
That was me.
And I abandoned myself, in doing so, I really “violate my own standards” (a great quote by Robin Williams about active addiction), and to put up with mistreatment and dishonesty and inappropriate behavior from a partner, and all sorts of other things that compound my shame now.
I was trauma-bonded with my narcissistic ex. I was abusing alcohol when I met him and I had not yet addressed my trauma from my father’s suicide.
I now look back then at how that trauma solidified after my miscarriage, mother’s death, brother’s death, COVID, and the other miscarriage.
I made him my family - despite how he mistreated me.
I allowed myself to go back to him, erasing my own set boundaries, after I promised myself that I would.
I now realize that I needed to set boundaries - to respect myself. To have my standards and to instill and uphold my own sense of self worth.
I have heard it said that boundaries is the distance that I can love myself and also love you.
Sometimes we say boundaries - other times we are denying to ourselves that it is the beginning of the end. Boundaries means to draw a line in the sand.
Boundaries is a form of self respect and it also allows you to think about what you’re willing to endure and put up with, and where you draw the line, to say no -
I don’t deserve this.
I am healing in this way - I don’t play nice anymore - to stroke any man’s ego - or even to entertain any false or two-faced people who have toxic energy, insecurity abounds.
To not accept breadcrumbs from people - is liberating.
It’s an enhanced sense of worth, and being alone and with myself rather than put up with such bullshit has created such delight within me.
My standards, my self esteem, my self worth, are rising -
Pretty significant for someone wiht cPTSD with ceded shame.
Growth. Healing. Evolution.
