"We Do Recover"

and my heart is full of gratitude...

Photo by Martin Sanchez on Unsplash

I love that statement - We Do Recover, for those of us who have struggled with alcoholism or another substance abuse disorder.

Much like mental illness, suicide loss, those who struggle with addiction are also heavily stigmatized.

We are often categorized as weak and not strong-willed enough, that we don’t have enough ‘grit’ to withstand life, to rough and tough it out without some chemical escape.

I find it fascinating how some people who struggle with mental illness but haven’t struggled with addiction or substance abuse disorder sometimes can judge or stereotype those other type as weaker -

Despite how their own condition also is so heavily stigmatized.

It’s fascinating to me the stories and judgments we tell ourselves and ways that we make ourselves try to feel better but judging others.

But - both mental illnesses and addictions/substance disorders often occur in those with ACE - Adverse Childhood Events, untreated trauma, and they also can be hereditary - genetically predisposed.

If you are lucky enough to have all three, it only stands to reason that your likelihood increases three fold.

Dr. Gabor Mate in his book on addiction, the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, discusses this judgment. And how often we want to look away with disgust when regarding an addict.

That we get uncomfortable and judgy in regard to how they have driven themselves to this point.

I am not immune to this.

However - I also recognize that while we have had a problem with addiction, we’re obviously always susceptible to a relapse, to getting out of remission of active addiction -

I also believe - firmly - and I never did before, or would have ever thought this possible -

I would trust someone who was in recovery and working a 12 step program and who had had a spiritual awakening - with far higher esteem than I would most men.

I recently met with someone that I wanted to make direct amends to for how I may have harmed or worried her during my active alcoholism.

When I explained to her the 12 steps, she said -

“I think everyone do that!”

I nodded, in agreement.

12 step programs are great because they not only call us to remain sober but also to address our character defects, have a higher power or spiritual connection (even if our GOD is - Group of Drunks.) It’s just a centering that even if you don’t have a God that you recognize that you’re not God or a god and you can submit to a force greater than yourself.

It also calls to work on your character - to clean house, to serve others, to be responsible for surrendering.

I am so much healthier now - it’s not just from working with my sponsor and the steps of the program and not drinking - although that’s certainly part of it.

But my ‘recovery’ is generational - I recognize now that - being raised by an alcoholic - and coming from a long line of alcoholics -

That I needed to attend to some of the wounds within me that fueled my alcoholism - like being the adult child of an alcoholic who assumed the hero role that performed and acted all was well - rather than admit I needed help. I still played that out in my life and relationships, through co-dependency.

Being in AA has attended to my wounds that I ought to have attended to with Al-Anon.

This is why we call having both “being a double winner,” being raised in an alcoholic family and also developing the disease ourselves.

I always thought of being alcoholic as a personal failing.

Like my dad, I thought it meant I was selfish.

My biggest lesson is that - it’s far better to admit that I have this family disease and that I’m working at my recovery -

And to be able to share the joy that comes with such gratitude, a deep spiritual awakening, and a profound sense of purpose that -

I am alive, I’m in recovery, and I’m a miracle.

That is the magic that we mean when we say -

“We do recover.”

It’s pretty fucking amazing.