With suicides- we're almost entirely reactive

Not proactive

Photo by Fa Barboza on Unsplash

Much like the country’s approach to mass shootings and mass killings in schools and other public places, or with racially biased violence (if at all).

But I was thinking about this lately because a friend of mine teaches at a school where there was a student death - likely due to suicide.

Schools bring in counselors at this point, the damage control crisis team.

People are shocked, sobered, and a community shattered. A family is never the same, nor close friends or classmates.

Everyone feels so deeply - how could this happen? What could we have done?

Now, I really do care about this, obviously, my brother and my dad died by suicide, but I also have strong feelings of throwing up my hands sometimes, because -

I truly believe that, with suicide, it’s so unthinkable, unimaginable, and it’s incredibly hard for people to talk about. Especially if you can push it down, because you don’t have to face that loss.

Many don’t like to even think about it - in our minds, much less actually have to engage in conversation thinking about how people could do that, how they might be thinking about it, etc. Especially when we consider that this too affects so many young folks. We often pretend it isn’t happening. The statistics say otherwise.

I wrote a memoir, a book about my family’s histories. And I get that it’s a hard read. The topic is heavy. It may remind you of someone you lost.

It’s even hard for friends and family members to read it, I know. And I get that they want to support me.

I took a seminar on how to write a book and publish it, and a book proposal of how to pitch it. I am still fine tuning it -working towards publication,

But one thing sets with me; I was told by the NY Times Best Selling author and her agent -

“Don’t use ‘suicide’ in the title.”

No one would want to read it - agents, publishers, readers.

Even though my book is undeniably about that. I can’t call it that if I ever hope to be published.

We don’t want to talk about it, think about it, read about it.

Let’s pretend it doesn’t exist.

Until you get gobsmacked- until it affects YOU in some deep, penetrating way - because someone you thought would never/could never - your child, your parent, your partner, etc - did.

They attempted.

They completed.

And they’re gone.

Then, you’re irreparably changed.

You look around - others don’t get it - You think - “oh my God, care! Please! - I don’t want others to feel this way or have to go through this,” you want to scream.

“Please - something good in prevention should come from so and so’s death” -

In those times, I think your people, your community has to be other suicide survivors for support. Others who ‘get it’.

And it seems to be the ones most serious about talking prevention. Advocacy for destigmatizing mental health, all the measures, etc.

But then - as I take a look at our country and how cold we can be about issues that don’t affect us, I guess - as per the response to suicide -

Eh, I’m really not surprised.

Each individual mostly only cares about their own interests - even when I hear about people who oppose some of the larger measures made by the federal government - I often hear this - or I hear of others relay that their colleagues said this -

“Well, I don’t agree with - this - or that - but, I’ll be okay because —- “

insert whatever reason -

I’m married. I’m straight. I’m not transgender. I don’t work for the federal government. Or, maybe I make enough money.

Or perhaps the unspoken ones— I’m white.

Whatever it is - we look out for our own best interests.

And we too often shrug it off if it doesn’t affect us.

That’s why you see so many vets or former federal government workers shocked that their election vote could be hurting them, making them lose their job - exclaiming - I can’t believe this negatively affected me; now I care because it does.

Perhaps entirely fittingly, I read today that America is now ranked one of the unhappiest places - especially for a developed country.

I’m not surprised.

I think that happiness comes from within, but I also think it is inextricably tied to service, love, gratitude, and caretaking, how we tend to one another, in service to humanity, those immeasurable things - not the selfish gain and selfish interests.

We’re doing a piss poor job of that lately, caring for others.

Instead, we put all the more emphasis in wealth accumulation and property, value, capital, etc.

This is why defacement of cars/property is now considered to be domestic terrorism/ a federal offense as is disagreeing with the president’s views, but violation of Constitutional rights of green card holders, ICE disappearing people just par for the course, and this so - even for Canadians or Germans or British folks simply hoping to visit; our ‘human rights’ violations abound. No wonder we’re on a watch list.

Essentially, we are putting more value on money or property, power or privilege over service to others and humanitarian efforts - like suicide, like research for cancer and other research for disease treatments and cures.

And so many are not living some sparkly American dream they feels that they were promised, so they look to the scarcity model/mindset, and consider- who can I blame for that - probably undocumented workers, rather than admitting late stage capitalism is a cracked foundation.

The system is broken - intentionally working to benefit the top.

No wonder people are so unhappy.

With that happiness, with that - “I’ll look out for me mindset”- to come full circle—

I can’t imagine any of this state to help with the prevention and advocacy of suicide.

As we look ahead, like so many things, from our economy, to our education system, to the lower class folks’ living situation, it’s just going to worse.