EIPS

Emotionally Immature People

Photo by Arwan Sutanto on Unsplash

Lately, I’ve learned about the phrase, “Emotionally Immature People.” Author Dr. Lindsay Gibson discusses how often our parents, family members, partners, siblings, etc, are EIPs. Essentially, they are much more common than we realize.

EIPs tend to be people who will not have any degree of self-reflection, self-actualization and accountability. Essentially, they will evade any culpability, but look for any reasons to give and provide (to themselves and to others) as to why it is not their fault and instead, the fault of the other. Even when/if this is grasping at straws. Simply because to do otherwise would demonstrate a degree of maturity and security in themselves, as adults, and it would require that they own their own shit and what they did wrong. (As, let’s face it, we all have to do/should/must do at points.)

I consider this as I reflect on my relationship for four years with a narcissist. When someone doesn’t apologize or self-reflect, uses excuses of “this is just how I am,” blames others, rather than being willing to work on themselves, to get therapy or psychological help, to address their trauma and wounds, that contribute to their unhealthy tendencies and the baggage/junk that they bring to a relationship.

Dr. Gibson points out also that if you have any degree of empathy that you probably sense that these are deeply wounded and hurt individuals, so you make accommodations for them. You cater to them, enable them, minimize your own needs. These EIPs see themselves, and cultivate environments and relationships in which they position themselves, as the most important person in the relationship and that their needs are the most important ones and are always to be catered to. There is a great deal of double-standards, as special rules apply to them.

EIPs are always narcissistic, many also have personality disorders, where this degree in blaming of others and perpetually letting themselves off the hook tends to be the norm.

I have also been thinking about how older folks, especially men, tend to be EIPs. They were catered to, likely raised themselves by EIPs, and so they position themselves/center themselves as the most important person. Our patriarchal culture certainly reinforces that.

It is interesting to reflect on the ways in which these individuals are basically stunted, psychologically, emotionally, mentally. They may be posing at adults, appearing as full-fledged grown-ups, and yet, they really are simply children in their ways of operating and existing in the world. Their self-reflection doesn’t much develop beyond that of children, so many of their communication capabilities and behavioral tendencies tend to be that of toddlers.

As Dr. Gibson points out, the high number of EIPs is quite mind-boggling—how many not only exist in the world, but that we have relationships with in our day to day to life, and are within our families, and even many EIPs who rule the world and make decisions regarding war and politics.

It’s truly amazing to consider just how many “adults” exist as emotional children.

As someone who is highly reflective, and often to a detriment, it’s not always healthy, I tend to take on more accountability than I should, hence why I ended up with a narcissist for four years. I tend to claim all that is wrong, self-blaming, so it is hard for me to see how some people simply refuse to do this. Like, At All.

How wonderfully delusional—it is amazing to me the extent of lies and tall tales some people tell themselves and try to convince others in the outside world as well. Running circles in patterns of destruction and failed relationships, yet, never being able or willing to accept that they may be the common denominator here. But nope—the problem is always the “crazy woman,” or my parents, or the fault of the partner, never looking at oneself, honestly.

What a tremendously sad existence—not (willing to) grow or evolve at all.