I see you and am glad you forged your own path. I too have grown tired of healing, of carrying that backpack. Something that has helped me is to shift my perspective - rather than think of it as healing, I view myself more on a journey towards growth. Sometimes the simple change feels much less heavy.
So much of this yes. I am trying to write about my family trauma in a fictionalized way in my first novella-and it’s almost too much. I feel different and broken in ways that most people are not. And yes, the healing fatigue. Therapy sessions, psychiatrists. Hypnotherapy worked really well. Thank you for speaking the survivor’s language. I needed that today. Subscribed.
Big big hugs. So much here resonates, especially being tired of the healing - the alternative is worse but that doesn't make the constant healing process any easier of a choice. I have been very angry at times that it's taken me X many years to process stuff to the point where I could finally be at a place where others seemed to just be naturally because they didn't have to move through all of that muck first. But we are here. We are doing this. It's tiring, but that's not the only thing it is. <3 <3 <3
While I have not experienced suicide in my own family, the heavy burden of family dysfunction has weighed on me my whole life and I myself had suicidal ideation in the past. I resonate with the fatigue and heaviness of the family burden that you described, and of the seemingly neverending need to heal. I am envious of people who enjoy simple family get togethers. Regarding suicide, my ex-husband lived with the guilt of his father's suicide and it got so bad he became an alcoholic and it destroyed our marriage. So I can say that suicide has such ripple effects that the person doing it is selfish to their family. One thing I observed from this courageous essay is that you have been striving to take full responsbility of your own life and then some. I hope you allow yourself the compassion that you so deserve, whether it is from yourself or from others. The young part of you so desperately needs to be held and comforted.
I see you and am glad you forged your own path. I too have grown tired of healing, of carrying that backpack. Something that has helped me is to shift my perspective - rather than think of it as healing, I view myself more on a journey towards growth. Sometimes the simple change feels much less heavy.
So much of this yes. I am trying to write about my family trauma in a fictionalized way in my first novella-and it’s almost too much. I feel different and broken in ways that most people are not. And yes, the healing fatigue. Therapy sessions, psychiatrists. Hypnotherapy worked really well. Thank you for speaking the survivor’s language. I needed that today. Subscribed.
Big big hugs. So much here resonates, especially being tired of the healing - the alternative is worse but that doesn't make the constant healing process any easier of a choice. I have been very angry at times that it's taken me X many years to process stuff to the point where I could finally be at a place where others seemed to just be naturally because they didn't have to move through all of that muck first. But we are here. We are doing this. It's tiring, but that's not the only thing it is. <3 <3 <3
This, right here!
While I have not experienced suicide in my own family, the heavy burden of family dysfunction has weighed on me my whole life and I myself had suicidal ideation in the past. I resonate with the fatigue and heaviness of the family burden that you described, and of the seemingly neverending need to heal. I am envious of people who enjoy simple family get togethers. Regarding suicide, my ex-husband lived with the guilt of his father's suicide and it got so bad he became an alcoholic and it destroyed our marriage. So I can say that suicide has such ripple effects that the person doing it is selfish to their family. One thing I observed from this courageous essay is that you have been striving to take full responsbility of your own life and then some. I hope you allow yourself the compassion that you so deserve, whether it is from yourself or from others. The young part of you so desperately needs to be held and comforted.
Thank you for that validation, Leon.