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Kathryn Vercillo's avatar

So sorry to hear that you got ghosted in that way. That is painful.

I ghosted people quite a bit when I was much younger (twenties) - before there was a word for it and honestly I wish it had been a "thing" then so at least I would have had language for it. But for me, it was due to undiagnosed depression that I didn't understand. I had very high anxiety and very low energy. Although my ghosting was more for people I didn't know well or was temporary ... when I'd cycle back into a healthier place, after beating myself up extensively for being flaky, I'd eventually reach out again.

A version of that continued well into my thirties even though I understand myself better then. I didn't ghost but I became a last minute canceler and usually with a really dumb excuse until finally I just learned to say the truth which is, "When I said I wanted to come, I wanted to come, but now my mental health has changed and I'm too overwhelmed and I don't want to leave my house and I don't know when I will want and no I definitely don't want to talk on the phone because that's my least favorite way to communicate ..."

Your situation is different. I just share this to say that there are all kinds of things below that tip of the iceberg that we don't know are going on with someone. It's still not okay - it's still rude and hurtful - but know that there's a very high likelihood that it has nothing to do with you. <3 <3

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