Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about men who ghost after close connections, dating, relationships—they just go completely AWOL. I don’t understand this and so I have even read some articles on the psychology behind why people/men do this—emotional immaturity, get busy and “forget,” don’t know how to communicate that they want things to end or think things won’t work out, so they avoid tough conversations.
So sorry to hear that you got ghosted in that way. That is painful.
I ghosted people quite a bit when I was much younger (twenties) - before there was a word for it and honestly I wish it had been a "thing" then so at least I would have had language for it. But for me, it was due to undiagnosed depression that I didn't understand. I had very high anxiety and very low energy. Although my ghosting was more for people I didn't know well or was temporary ... when I'd cycle back into a healthier place, after beating myself up extensively for being flaky, I'd eventually reach out again.
A version of that continued well into my thirties even though I understand myself better then. I didn't ghost but I became a last minute canceler and usually with a really dumb excuse until finally I just learned to say the truth which is, "When I said I wanted to come, I wanted to come, but now my mental health has changed and I'm too overwhelmed and I don't want to leave my house and I don't know when I will want and no I definitely don't want to talk on the phone because that's my least favorite way to communicate ..."
Your situation is different. I just share this to say that there are all kinds of things below that tip of the iceberg that we don't know are going on with someone. It's still not okay - it's still rude and hurtful - but know that there's a very high likelihood that it has nothing to do with you. <3 <3
Kathryn, Thank you for this post and your candor. I do understand that there are many reasons why people ghost. I too have canceled in very surface level conversations and not-developed relationships due to mental health reasons. All of that to say, I also understand that it is less about the person being ghosted and more about what is going on within and in the life of the one who ghosts and their communication abilities, maturity, and mental health. I wish it could leave it at that, that it was as simple as that, as I do believe it. But I also am a very sensitive person and you are right; it is painful.
Ghosting in any instance can be painful and disturbing. I agree--I wish we lived in a world where people were mature enough to address situations and people with respect.
So sorry to hear that you got ghosted in that way. That is painful.
I ghosted people quite a bit when I was much younger (twenties) - before there was a word for it and honestly I wish it had been a "thing" then so at least I would have had language for it. But for me, it was due to undiagnosed depression that I didn't understand. I had very high anxiety and very low energy. Although my ghosting was more for people I didn't know well or was temporary ... when I'd cycle back into a healthier place, after beating myself up extensively for being flaky, I'd eventually reach out again.
A version of that continued well into my thirties even though I understand myself better then. I didn't ghost but I became a last minute canceler and usually with a really dumb excuse until finally I just learned to say the truth which is, "When I said I wanted to come, I wanted to come, but now my mental health has changed and I'm too overwhelmed and I don't want to leave my house and I don't know when I will want and no I definitely don't want to talk on the phone because that's my least favorite way to communicate ..."
Your situation is different. I just share this to say that there are all kinds of things below that tip of the iceberg that we don't know are going on with someone. It's still not okay - it's still rude and hurtful - but know that there's a very high likelihood that it has nothing to do with you. <3 <3
Kathryn, Thank you for this post and your candor. I do understand that there are many reasons why people ghost. I too have canceled in very surface level conversations and not-developed relationships due to mental health reasons. All of that to say, I also understand that it is less about the person being ghosted and more about what is going on within and in the life of the one who ghosts and their communication abilities, maturity, and mental health. I wish it could leave it at that, that it was as simple as that, as I do believe it. But I also am a very sensitive person and you are right; it is painful.
I absolutely understand why it’s painful. Big soft hugs. 💙💙
Ghosting in any instance can be painful and disturbing. I agree--I wish we lived in a world where people were mature enough to address situations and people with respect.