The cPTSD healing journey continues...

It’s perhaps not surprising since cPTSD (Complex post-traumatic disorder) is so relatively new. While PTSD has been a documented condition since the 70’s, cPTSD is only recently recognized in the DSM - 5, the ‘manual’ or ‘compilation’ of different mental health conditions.

As such, there is still much we don’t know about the condition and its symptoms. I’m always learning more (since they are always learning more( as to the ways in which it manifests in certain peoples’ bodies and minds.

I heard yesterday that you can also feel anxious, like the need to chase something.

Oh boy, do I ever.

I think about this works on conjunction with also being a the child of an alcoholic, the one who assumed the hero role, one who was highly anxious and an overachiever, and someone who has the grandiosity of an alcoholic.

The chicken or the egg situation -

But does it matter?

Perhaps not.

Though I found myself thinking—well, that’s curious.

I am diagnosable. My restless, my energy, my drive and anxiety to be doing more.

I also think those who have existed in a state of chronic hypervigilance and constnat survival mode for so long, so it becomes the more - to live with a dysregulated nervous system -

It’s well established that those people (me!), we don’t know how to relax. Especially those with high functioning anxiety.

I do think I can be of service to others; I feel restless and often times question whether I’m on the right path. That can be constructive. I can also be the universe telling me something…if I listen.

The trick is ascertain where I fall in all of that constellated mess.